Humorous Quotes

  1. It’s quite ironic. Whitney used to do commercials for Pepsi, then spend all the money she made on Coke.
  2. If you know I’m I the car and you continue to text me, you basically want me dead…
  3. When I text someone and they don’t text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from over excitement.
  4. I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it
  5. You did not have a valentine on valentines day? Some people don’t have a mother on mother’s day or a father on father’s day so shut up
  6. Don’t worry if you found yourself alone on Valentines Day…its not the end of the World…that’s still 10 months away.
  7. Guy gets wife roses. She says “I guess this means you want me on my back w my legs in the air?” He says, “Why, we don’t have a Vase?
  8. Dear people posting pics of things they got for Valentine’s Day: Please stop it! Spare us the cheesiness and keep that sh!t to yourself. Sincerely, Single People
  9. My wife said to go out and buy something that makes her look hot & sexy for Valentine’s Day! So I got drunk…
  10. It’s me and Pamela Handerson again this Valentine’s Day… 🙁
  11. Girls hope you celebrated Valentines Day responsibly, or you’ll be celebrating Thanksgiving in a maternity ward
  12. I think I owe my right hand a Valentines Day card!
  13. I think I owe my vibrator a Valentines Day card.
  14. Roses are red violets are blue vodka cost less than dinner for 2!
  15. That uneasy moment when your one night stand thinks otherwise and is anticipating you to change your relationship status.
  16. I overheard my girlfriend on the phone to her bff saying she wants to get engaged on Valentine’s Day. I hope she finds someone nice.
  17. Has anyone else noticed that the symbol “&” looks like a man dragging his butt across the floor?
  18. Only smart, good-looking people will “like” this status.
  19. I may not be the richest guy…or the smartest guy…or the funniest guy…or the best-looking guy…or the …..:( Forget it, now I’m depressed.
  20. I wish folks would stop these Passive Aggressive attempts at trying to guilt us into advancing their religious, social, or political causes by ending the posts with, “Let’s see how many of my true friends will post this.” PI$$ OFF!