Humorous Quotes

  1. We all used Facebook out of curiosity and it ended as an addiction.
  2. I’m going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I am outstanding.
  3. Hey, ladies, if you look like a snake swallowed a rib cage you’re too skinny.
  4. You know how after you get off a boat, your body still feels like it’s on the boat for a while after? I’m like that with beds.
  5. Ladies, don’t wear skinny jeans, if you have no skinny genes.
  6. Oh you got “Swag”? Don’t forget to put that on your Burger King Application.
  7. If I ever go missing,,, I hope they put my photo on bottles of OCD medication, cuz you know those people won’t stop looking.
  8. Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.
  9. I had a very confusing time when I tried to buy a Wii in France.
  10. I’m Not Arguing. I’m Simply Explaining Why I’m Right.-Women
  11. Spring has Sprung and Summer is Here , Temperatures are a Rising that means you’ll be Perspiring , Keep you Deodorant handy and your Panty Liners near cause Soggy Bottom Undies are something we all FEAR
  12. I beat my chess opponent in less than five moves with a baseball bat.
  13. At home: I want to go out, I want friends. When I go out: I want to go home, I hate people.
  14. Women are like convertibles. They’re a lot more fun when the top’s down.
  15. I don’t have time to babysit ppl’s feelings. Speak up. How I’m suppose to know what’s wrong with you?
  16. Hunters, you shouldn’t wear camo you should dress like cars. Deer will walk toward you and hope you kill them.
  17. I’m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist..
  18. I said to my GF “Please get me a newspaper.” “Don’t be silly,” she replied “you can borrow my iPad.” That spider never knew what hit it!
  19. The Karma cafe has no menus. You get served what you deserve.
  20. Sometimes when I play a game on my computer, the screen goes dark and I see my own reflection in the screen and wonder what I am doin with my life ..then the next level starts.