Humorous Quotes

  1. My Girlfriend wanted a cat. I didn’t want a cat. So we compromised and we got a cat…
  2. The Amazing Spiderman was good but they didn’t cover the part in his life where he co-founded Facebook…I assume that will be in the sequel…
  3. I’m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
  4. What do you have when you have a mother in law buried up to her neck in sand? not enough sand.
  5. Monica Lewinsky turns 39!! They grow up so fast…seems like yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees puting everything in her mouth!!!
  6. The next person who says it’s not the heat, it’s the humidity will learn it’s not my fist, it’s the impact.
  7. I’m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.
  8. Dear Crush, If your “shower brb” was intended to make me imagine you naked.. Mission accomplished!”
  9. How about instead of flirting and carrying on a conversation under my status that has nothing to do with it’s original topic, you try using the chat window, the poke button, or maybe even do it the old fashioned way! Call the B!tch!!!
  10. Marriage is for men who miss staying with their parents.
  11. It’s so hot outside! I’m sweating like Jessica Simpson in a spelling bee!
  12. It’s so hot outside! I’ve been out here 10 minutes and I’m already wetter then Kim Kardashian at the BET Awards.
  13. Women want to be equal to men in every aspect except dating. You all want the same positions in the rest of the world but still expect to be wined and dined. How about steaks and bjs for the guys.
  14. I have an inferiority complex,,,,,, but it isn’t a very good one.
  15. Ladies; When a guy says he “just wants to be friends” he means with your v@gina.
  16. Out of all the gruesome noises coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most troubling.
  17. Every time I post,, I get a rush like I’m releasing a little animal into the wild… A hideous, deformed animal that no one will ever love…
  18. Skills can be taught. Character you either have or you don’t have.
  19. Send message without subject? Yes, Gmail. f$ck off.
  20. “Should I add more liquor?” is the most ridiculous question I’ve ever been asked.