To all 3 girls, what is Pi

For my appearance on the dating show Blind Date, I decided to make my questions a little more difficult because I was tired of the stereotypical dumb bimbos you always find on the show.

Me: “To all 3 girls, what is Pi to 5 decimal places?”

Girl 1: “Oh, I dont like pie, sorry.”

Girl 2: “I dont know, but I have 34DD’s, and if you pick me, maybe I’ll let you eat my pie big boy”

Girl 3: “That’s too easy. Pi to 10 decimal places is 3.1415926536, and it is most commonly used to calculate the circumference of circles and spheres”

Me: “At last! A girl on here with half a brain cell!”

Cilla Black: “So which girl are you going for?”

“Girl 2 please Cilla.”

Clean Short Jokes

Two aerial antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married.
The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

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Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, “I’ve lost my electron”.
The other says, “Are you sure?”
The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive…”

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A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says,
“I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

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A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
“A beer please, and one for the road.”

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Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”

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“Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.'”
“That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.”
“Is it common?”
“It’s Not Unusual.”

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An invisible man marries an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.

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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,
“My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?”
“Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him.”
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says “I’m going to have to put him down.”
“What? Because he’s cross-eyed?” “No, because he’s really heavy.”

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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

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I went to the butcher’s the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, “No, the steaks are too high.”

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A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, “Doctor,doctor, I can’t feel my legs!”
The doctor replied, “I know you can’t – I’ve cut off your arms!”

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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

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How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

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Go Git Yo Mama

A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their life. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, Silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, “Paw, What’s ‘at?” The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I dunno. I ain’t never seen anything like that in my entire life, I ain’t got no idea’r what it is.”

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son,

“Boy, go git yo Momma….”

Australian Lingo

An American astronaut has an emergency during his re-entry into earth’s
atmosphere and his space craft crash-lands in the Australian bush, way
out in the middle of nowhere.

After what seems like an eternity, he wakes up in a bush clinic, very
rustic, dirty, with foul smells and he is bandaged from head to foot.

He sees a very large, somewhat gruff looking nurse approaching him as he
lies in his cot.

“Did I come here to die?” he says with a deep sense of resignation and fear.

“No,” the Aussie nurse replies, “You came here yesterday.”

Rub it

One day a teacher went into her class room and saw the word, “penis” written in small letters on the chalkboard. She erased it and went on with the day’s lesson.

The next day, she came in and saw the same word on the chalkbaord, but a little bit bigger. She erased it and went on with her lesson.

Each of the next several days, the teacher would come in to find “penis” on the board, a little larger each time.

She went in one morning, expecting to find it again, but instead the chalkboard read: “The more you rub it, the bigger it gets.”