One of the best

Ok I found this joke a while ago and loved it..it’s a ? bit long but worth it ..it will help you understand and a basic problem most couples have.

One evening last week my girlfriend and I were getting into bed, well the passion starts to heat up and she eventually says ‘ I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.’

I said ‘WHAT?? what was that ?

So she says the words thy every boyfriend dreads to hear..

‘your just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man..

She responded to my puzzled look by saying ‘Cant you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom.’

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep..

The very next day I opted to take the day off work to spend time with her, we went to a nice lunch then went shopping at a big unnamed department store.

I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits, she couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we would just buy all of them.. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes so I said ‘let’s get a pair for each outfit..

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.. Let me tell you, she was soo excited .. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis..

I think I threw her for a loop when I said that’s fine honey.. She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all the excitement.. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said ‘ I think this I all hun, let’s go to the cashier’

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, ‘ no honey, I don’t feel like it’.

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled ‘WHAT’

I then said ‘ Honey I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.. Your just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman..

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added ‘ Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you’

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either.. But atleast the bitch knows I’m smarted than her ..

What you think?? ?

You haven’t seen nothing

Three women are in a bar, sitting on barstools and boasting about their sex life. The first woman says ” I have had sex so many time I could fit one of my fists up there.” the second one says “i have had sex so many times I can shove two fists up there” the third one smiled as she slowly slid down the stool.

Angel on Top

Why the Little Angel is at the top of the Christmas Tree …
On Christmas Eve Santa Claus was getting ready for his annual trip. As he pulled his favorite pair of red pants on, they ripped. So, he had to take them off and put on another pair, which was a bit too tight. He then went to check on the rest of the preparations. The elves were on strike. The reindeer had shin-splints. At this point, Santa was BUMMED. He went into the kitchen to take a calming drink, and the bottle was EMPTY. Now he was really mad. All of sudden, there was a knock at the door. Santa, in his angry state, ignored it. There was another knock. Santa was in no mood for all of this. When the knock came again, Santa–filled with rage–threw open the door. Standing there was a little angel who said, “Hi Santa! What do you want me to do with this Christmas Tree?”

Santa, this body is your gift

Santa Claus makes his way down the chimney, and is met by a lovely young woman in a robe. She says “Santa, how about giving me a special present. I know you’d like to come into my bedroom.” Santa responds “Ho! Ho! Ho! Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta deliver all these toys to the children you know.”
The lovely young thing peels off her robe, revealing a skimpy negligee. Santa looks up from his sack of gifts, and she says “I’ve got something special for you Santa. Can’t you stay for just a little while? I know you want me. Let me make this Christmas eve unforgettable.”
Santa responds “Ho! Ho! Ho! Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta deliver all these toys to the children you know.”
Not to be denied, she strips off the negligee, revealing her naughty bits, and they were quite nice naughty bits, I might add. And she says “Santa, this is your last chance. This body is your gift.”
Santa responds “Hey! Hey! Hey! Gotta stay. Gotta Stay. Can’t get up the chimney with my dick this way!”