Dead Rabbit

I was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. I swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit.

Being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, I pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had became of the rabbit. Much to my dismay, the rabbit was dead. I felt so awful I began to cry.

A woman driving down the highway saw me crying on the side of the road so she pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked me what was wrong.

“I feel terrible,” I explained. “I accidently hit this rabbit and killed it.”

The woman told me not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit.

Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved his paw at us and hopped down the road. Fifty feet away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved at us again, hopped down the road another 50 feet, turned, waved and hopped another 50 feet.

I tell you, I was flabbergasted. I couldn’t figure out what was in the woman’s spray can. So I ran over to her and asked, “What was in your spray can? What did you spray onto the rabbit?”

The woman turned the can around so I could read it. It said: “Hare Spray – Restores life to dead hare – Adds permanent wave”

Even God has no clue..

A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, “Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”The biker pulled over and said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.” God replied, “I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things and the work needed is just too intensive. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.” The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said,

“God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing’s wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.”

God replied: “You want two lanes or four on that bridge…?”

Car Dent

My wife put a dent in my car backing out the garage this morning .

The fat bitch needs to start looking where she’s walking.