As my wife and I lay in bed together

As my wife and I lay in bed together, I felt the tension in the air. She then folded her arms and huffed, “You never make the first move.”

“Jesus!” I said as I rolled my eyes. “Every night it’s the same thing.”

“Well you don’t!” she moaned. “It’s always me and quite frankly I’m fed up with it. And before you start, it’s nothing to do with you being black.”

“It is,” I said.

“No, it isn’t,” she said.

“You know what?” I said as I jumped out of the bed. “You can stick the fcuking chessboard up your ass.”

Lets play mummy and daddy

Finding her young son scooping ice cream in the kitchen, a mother raged, “Dinner is going to be ready soon. Put that ice cream away and go and play.”

“But mum” wailed the child, “There’s no one to play with.”

“OK,” said the mother wearily, “I’ll play with you. What do you want to play?

“Lets play mummy and daddy. You go upstairs and lie on the bed.”

So the mother went upstairs and lay on the bed.

The boy put on his father’s fishing hat, lit up one of his cigars, went upstairs and opened the bedroom door.

Seeing him standing there, the mother asked,”Now what do I do?”

The boy answered, “Get your ass out of bed you whore and fix that kid some fcuking ice cream!”