Remove your Clothes

A man stubbed his toe so badly he decided to go to the doctor.

When he arrived at the office, the nurse directed him to remove his clothes and wait in the next room.

“I just hurt my toe,” complained the man. “Why do I need to take off my clothes?”

“Everyone who sees the doctor has to undress,” explained the nurse politely. “It’s our policy.”

“Well, I think it’s a stupid policy! Making me undress just to look at my toe! Geeez!”

From the next room another man’s voice piped up. . . “That’s nothing! I just came here to fix the telephone!”

Homeless Woman

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of pounds for dinner.

I took out my purse, got out ten pound and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?”

“No, I had to stop drinking years ago”, the homeless woman told me.

“Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?” I asked.

“No, I don’t waste time shopping,” the homeless woman said. “I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.”

“Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?” I asked.

“Are you NUTS !” replied the homeless woman. ” I haven’t had my hair done in 20 years!”

“Well,” I said, “I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.”

The homeless woman was shocked. “Won’t your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.”

I said,

“That’s okay. It’s important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.

Incredible Rage

When The Hulk goes off into a vicious rage, and destroys everything, he’s “INCREDIBLE”. But when I do it, I’m an “ALCOHOLIC”.