Hit me on the legs

Some bloke at a bus stop earlier hit me on the legs with a stick for no reason.

Naturally, I retaliated and beat the living shit out of him.

Just for good measure, I kicked his Labrador as well.

Just 1

An army sniper goes to a gun store to get a scope for his gun.
The store owner shows him one and says, “This scope is so good that you can see right into my house 2 miles up on that hill. Go ahead and try it”.
The sniper looks through the scope and laughs. “ I can see a naked man and a naked woman in your bedroom”, he says.
The store owner takes a look into the scope and gives the sniper 2 bullets. “I’ll give you this scope for free if you will blow both my wife’s head and the man’s dick off with these 2 bullets”.
The sniper takes another look into the scope and says, “Well, I guess I can do that with just ONE bullet