Dog Detergent

A young boy, about eight years old, was at the local grocery shop picking out a large size box of laundry detergent.
The grocer walked over and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
“Nope, no laundry,” the boy said, “I’m going to wash my dog.”
“But, you shouldn’t use this to wash your dog. It’s very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he’ll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him.”

But, the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later, the boy was back in the store to buy some sweets. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.
“Oh, he died,” the boy said.

The grocer, trying not to be an “I-told-you-so” said he was sorry the dog died, but added, “I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog.”
“Well, the boy replied, “I don’t think it was the detergent that killed him.”

“Oh? What was it then?”
“I think it was the spin cycle

Mis-Calculation

A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m…and his wife is livid.

“You SWORE that you’d be home by 11:45!”

“No,” slurs the mathematician… “I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”

Busy Weekend

I went to the pharmacy this morning and asked for 50 condoms.

The girl winked at me and said, “Oh, someone has a busy weekend ahead of them!”

“I know,” I said. “I’m making a raincoat for my pet snake.”

A US Air Force C-141

A US Air Force C-141 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot’s preflight check, he discovered that the aircraft’s latrine holding tank was still full from the last flight. So a message was sent to the base, and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it.

The young man finally got to the air base and made his way to the aircraft, only to find that the latrine pump truck had been left outdoors and was frozen solid, so he had to find another one in the hangar, which takes even more time. He returned to the aircraft and was less than enthusiastic about what he had to do.

Nevertheless, he went about the pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as to not risk criticism later.

As he left the plane, the pilot stopped him and said, “Son, your attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late, and I’m going to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded, but punished.”

Shivering in the cold, his task finished, the airman took a deep breath, stood up tall and said, “Sir, with all due respect, I’m not your son; I’m an Airman in the United States Air Force. I’ve been in Thule, Greenland for 11 months without any leave, and the reindeer are beginning to look pretty good to me. I have one stripe, it’s two-thirty in the morning, the temperature is 40 degrees below zero and my job here is to pump crap from your aircraft. Now just exactly what form of punishment did you have in mind?