I thought you had a real one this time

My new girlfriend’s car got a flat tyre as we were on our way to see my parents, so I called them up and said, “Sorry Mum, I’m going to be late, my girlfriend’s got a puncture.”

“Oh John!” she sighed. “I thought you had a real one this time.”

Mouse Click Dot Com

Jesus and Satan Computer Contest

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering. Finally God said, “Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job.”

So, Satan and Jesus sat down at their keyboards and typed away. They moused. They clicked, they copied and they pasted. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They uploaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They searched on Google. They made YouTube videos. They bookmarked. They wrote HTML to make a website. They did every known job.

But ten minutes before their time was up, lightening suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off. Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming, “It’s gone!

It’s all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!”

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours.

Satan observed this and became irate. “Wait! He cheated! How did he do it?”

God shrugged and said, “Jesus saves.”