It’s absolutely massive!

“I think I’ve been bitten on my bum,” said my wife, bending over and pulling up her skirt. “Can you see it?”

“Oh my God!” I said. “It’s absolutely massive!”

“Is it?” she replied.

“Yes,” I said, “it’s going to take a while to check.”

Do you keep stationary

While vacationing in the hills of Alabama, the big city man discovered he had no writing paper at all for his personal correspondence.

He went into the small town near-by and found only an old-fashioned country store. Behind the counter was a really nice looking young lass, quite obviously a local farm girl.

He asked, “Do you keep stationery?”

“Well,” she giggled, “I can… until I have an orgasm,┬áthen I just go plain wild and crazy!”

run of shame

COMMUTERS. When you leave your house, sprint the first 200 yards and then revert back to your regular walking speed. This will save you from having to do the run of shame for the bus nearer the stop and look like a fool when you miss it.