Oh God no!

“Oh God no!” cries the man. “My golfing is over! Please Doc, what’s the good news?”

“The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it’s a woman’s arm. I’ll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant.”

“Go for it doc” says the man. “As long as I can play golf again.”

The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.

“Hi, how’s the new arm?” asks the surgeon.

“Just great,” says the businessman. “I’m playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved.”

“That’s great,” said the surgeon.

“Not only that,” continued the golfer, “my handwriting has improved, I’ve learned how to sew my own clothes and I’ve even taken up painting landscapes in watercolors.”

“Unbelievable!” said the surgeon, “I’m so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?”

“Well, just one problem,” said the golfer. “Every time I get an erection, I also get a headache.

Tight Jeans

A stunning blonde, in breath taking extremely tight jeans is walking down the street.
A guy, looking at her with his tongue on his shoes, asks her: ‘I’m very sorry, but I just need to know… How does one ever get in those pants?
‘Well’, she said, ‘you could start with offering me a drink…’

Good Nieghbour

I was washing my car just now when my annoying neighbour shouted over to me, “You can clean mine next if you want, Ha ha?”

Hell, it’s bad enough I have to fuck his wife for him.