That Crazy Ex

You can unfriend and block me on Facebook, unfollow me on Twitter, delete and block my number but you will NEVER unlick my butthole.

Poisoned Mushrooms

Ollie was sympathizing with Lars who lost three wives in less that a year. Ollie asked how they died. …

“Vell, da first vun died from poisoned mushrooms,” explained Lars. …

“And da second one?” Asked Ollie?

“Same ting…poisoned mushrooms.”

“How about da last?”

“Oh her,” said Lars, “Fractured skull.”

“How come?”

“Vouldn’t eat her mushrooms.”

Where the hell are you?

My boss called me today and said, “Where the hell are you?”

I said, “I’m relaxing in the garden with my mate Dave. I’m already on my fourth can of lager.”

“I don’t fucking believe you!” he shouted.

“Hang on,” I said, holding the phone away from me. “Dave, isn’t this my fourth can?”