Short Jokes

  1. I greet all my daughter’s boyfriends with, “I used to molest guys like you in prison.”
  2. I’d slap you but I’m pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
  3. My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207…
  4. “Are you cold?” No dumbass, I’m on fucking vibrate mode..
  5. You’re probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.
  6. Sex jokes aren’t funny, I mean cum on people.
  7. “Hey, it’s been forever, let’s hang out!” “No, it’s been forever for a reason.”
  8. Cop: “Sir, what’s in the bottle next to you? Me: “It’s water” Cop: “Sir, this is wine” Me: “What? Jesus! He did it again!”
  9. What has 2 wings and a halo? Did you say angel? WRONG! Its a chinese phone. *Wing Wing* “Halo?”
  10. Pickup lines for old people: Grandpa: Hey baby, you better call life alert, cause I’ve fallen for you and can’t get up.
  11. What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.
  12. I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today….. That bitch was seeing somebody else.
  13. Friends are like boobs, some are big, some are small, some are real and some are fake.
  14. “Daddy why is Santa’s sack so big?” daughter asked, “because he only comes once a year darling”.
  15. Apparently, “My Dick” is the wrong answer to “What do you look for in a girl?”
  16. Try this: In a crowded hallway, say out loud, “Oh my god look at the blood on her pants.” Whatever girl turns around is on her period..
  17. My penis died. Can I bury it in your vagina?
  18. I’m like a fireman, I turn the hoes on.
  19. A hoe is like the first slice of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches it but nobody wants it.
  20. Twinkle twinkle little hoe, name a guy you didn’t blow.