Short Jokes

  1. I’m Going to stuff your stocking good.Wink. Wink.
  2. If u wake up on Christmas morning wit a weird taste in ur mouth…..remember Santa only cums once a year
  3. “The 3 stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus.”
  4. I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.
  5. The best gifts in life will never be found under a Christmas tree! Those gifts are friends, family, kids and the one you love!!
  6. My Dad just called to give me the “I’m worried about your drinking” talk. We are going to meet-up and discuss it over a few beers.
  7. The LIKE button: also for choosing sides in a Facebook argument without saying anything.
  8. When I woke up this morning I was like, “I really can’t stay” but my bed was like, “Baby, it’s cold outside.”
  9. Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.
  10. I don’t have a drinking problem, if anything I’m too damn good at it.
  11. If we can afford to have armed guard for our money at the banks, surely we can afford to have armed guards for our kids at schools. Where are your priorities people?
  12. I just found a jar in the fridge, with expiry date 21/12/2012. I looked at it twice, and indeed, it was mayannaise!
  13. Just unfollowed Taylor Swift on Twitter. Expecting a song within the hour
  14. My goal is to one day make it through an entire p orn movie.
  15. At the cinema. ME: Two tickets please! CASHIER: For the Hobbit? ME: How dare you sir, she’s my date.
  16. Saw a Cougar wearing a Leopard coat, driving a Jaguar. It’s a jungle out there.
  17. I saw a guy in a Prius run out of gas… instead of giving him a ride,, I sent him positive energy & world peace cause that means more to him
  18. Can’t we just sit and drink somewhere until they build a bar around us?
  19. Two Facebook addicts walk into a bar. One turns to the other and says…. …nothing
  20. Spank me once, shame on you. Spank me twice, that’s more like it.