Short Jokes

  1. Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
  2. B*tch your so ugly that even the mirror showed a 404 error.
  3. So much sh*t comes out your mouth, your ass is jealous.
  4. On a scale of 1-10, you’re a 9 and I’m the 1 you need
  5. I have my headphones on, but judging by the reactions, that was an audible fart.
  6. I don’t care if Facebook says you’ve got friends. Don’t believe everything you read
  7. Fat, single and ready for a Pringle.
  8. Police Officer: Do you speak English? Jose: Yes. Police Officer: Where are you from? Jose: Yes
  9. If you don’t wake up, eat & then go back to sleep, you’re doing Sunday wrong.
  10. My wife wanted me to go shopping, but I had a headache… I must have caught it from her last night when we didn’t have sex.
  11. The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I’m done picking my nose, I’m gonna smile and wave.
  12. BREAKING NEWS: Baby found in the middle of the Meteorite crash site,,, he is miraculously unharmed… Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape.
  13. I hope the meteorite crash in Russia doesn’t affect the price of Vodka!
  14. A massive meteor hit Russia injuring hundreds. Rihanna insists the meteor has changed & that everyone should give the meteor another chance.
  15. What if your pillow could collect your dreams and when you wake up, You could plug it into your computer And watch them over again.
  16. Sometimes you have to forget what you want & remember what you deserve.
  17. I walked out of a club with a girl last night. She slipped her hand inside my jeans, squeezed my c*ck and said, “Yours or mine?” I said, “That’s mine.”
  18. Your liver is the only organ that can regenerate itself. I believe that calls for a drink… Cheers!
  19. What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
  20. Sorry, but your password must contain an uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, a feather off a hawk and the blood of a unicorn.