Short Jokes

  1. Dear people posting pics of things they got for Valentine’s Day: Please stop it! Spare us the cheesiness and keep that sh!t to yourself. Sincerely, Single People
  2. Valentines Day – Drinks: $80. Dinner: $75. The room: $250. The look on his face when she says “I’m on my period”: Priceless.
  3. Ladies that don’t know what to get your man for valentines day, I have your answer…Forget the cutesy stuff!!! Get alcohol, feed him Red Meat and have sex with him wearing red and pink. Trust me I’m a guy…
  4. You did not have a valentine on valentines day? Some people don’t have a mother on mother’s day or a father on father’s day so shut up.
  5. Google… qrt(cos(x))*cos(300x)+sqrt(abs(x))-0.7)*(4-x*x)^0.01, sqrt(6-x^2), -sqrt(6-x^2) from -4.5 to 4.5
  6. If you can’t celebrate Valentine’s Day with someone you love, celebrate it with alcohol and pizza.
  7. It’s kind of fcuked up that Valentine’s Day is the only socially acceptable time to trade sexual favors for gifts.
  8. Valentine’s Day is for people who lack the imagination to be romantic during the rest of the year.
  9. Tips for Guys on Valentine’s Day: Tell your girl you already got something and make her guess. She’ll automatically list things she want.
  10. Well ladies valentines day is over. Time for the men to go back to being a-holes again.
  11. Guy gets wife roses. She says “I guess this means you want me on my back w my legs in the air?” He says, “Why, we don’t have a Vase?
  12. Roses are red, violets are blue…valentine’s crap is over now don’t you have some ironing to do
  13. Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I’ll give it back.
  14. Just realized why women love shoes over clothing, because no matter how much weight they gain, the shoes still fit.
  15. A horse walks into a bar. “Too late,” says the bartender, “we’re joking about the pope now.”
  16. Drunk people are the only honest ones left.
  17. I’m not saying she’s fat…… But if you asked me to name my 5 fattest friends…. She would be 3 of them.
  18. I’m not the girl your mom warned you about, her imagination was never this good.
  19. They say: “keep your friends close and your enemies closer”. The problem is, nowadays you can’t tell them apart.
  20. Thinking about starting a line of realistic welcome mats with things like “Please don’t stay long!” or “I hope you brought booze.”