Short Jokes

  1. Get hoarders addicted to crack, they will sell all their s*it..Problem solved.
  2. FYI – Valentines Day is only 5 days away… It’s not too late to break up.
  3. Friday! There you are, you sexy son of a btich! We’ve been lookin for you since Monday!
  4. It’s better to have loved and lost, than live with the idiot for the rest of your life!
  5. Dear lord thank you for these noodles I’m about to eat, ramen
  6. Yeah I’m married, but get one thing straight,,, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanhjkjhgfd,, THIS IS SCOTT’S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.
  7. I’m NOT flirting!! its called BEING NICE!
  8. I bet Rihanna will be on the cover of Chris Brown’s greatest HITS CD.
  9. A well timed “Have a good day!” can be a great substitute for “F*ck you!” in almost every situation.
  10. My friend Carlos got his car stolen. We just call him Los now.
  11. Everybody says waking up at 5 in the morning to exercise makes you feel great but I think lying in bed for another 2 hours feels better.
  12. Remember ladies, the knight with the shiniest armour has done the least amount of brave or cool shit.
  13. My favourite kind of pain; is in my stomach when people make me laugh too hard.
  14. I was born to be happy… not normal.
  15. Roses are red, And sometimes thorny, When I think of you, It makes me horny.
  16. Proof that getting kicked in the nuts is worse than giving birth. Girls often say, yeah I’d have another baby. Guys never ask to get kicked in the nuts again.
  17. Bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn’t been used at the liquor store since LAST Friday.
  18. Being fat is over weighted.- Elmer Fudd
  19. Karma is like 69: “You get, what you give
  20. Men need 100% talent to succeed in life……. Women need only 4%….. because the remaining 36+24+36 helps.