Short Jokes

  1. The first ten years of a girls life is spent playing with barbies. The next ten years is spent trying to look like one.
  2. Stop saying “I Wish” and start saying “I Will”.
  3. Showing your love used to be buying them flowers or writing a poem. Now it’s just looking at them for 5 minutes without checking your phone.
  4. Put your GPS on full volume for your daily commute if you want to know what marriage is like.
  5. To be honest, I really don’t give a f*ck. I lose friends, make friends and make enemies everyday. Regardless, I’m still going to be me…
  6. I get jealous over the little stuff… Why? Because we started out doing that “little stuff”..
  7. Today I don’t feel like doing anything. Except you
  8. If Monday had a face, I would punch it.
  9. “Whoa! It’s really hot in here!” “Sorry, Should I leave?”
  10. I’m in a relationship with sleep and I get some every night…and if I’m lucky i get some during the day.
  11. Me: “Dad, I wanna to go to a 50 cent concert!” Dad: “Well here’s a dollar, take your sister too.”
  12. I don’t try to be awesome, awesome tries to be me.
  13. ”You’re cute when you’re mad.” ”Yeah well I’m about to get real fucking adorable.”
  14. Legs spread faster than lies these days
  15. Girl’s status* “Bored” – 86 likes – 27 comments *My status* “Just got accepted into Harvard! – 0 likes – 1 comment from Mom: “nerd”
  16. Friends: “I need a new profile picture.” Me: “I need a new face.”
  17. Why isn’t there a middle finger emoji I swear I would use it 99% of the time
  18. Awww, look. My middle finger likes you!
  19. Notice at Church: Don’t leave your mobiles, purses, wallets, handbags, girlfriends unattended. Others may think it is an answer to their prayers.
  20. 5 MINUTES & NO ‘LIKES’? Well then… *deletes status*