Sometimes you have to accept that the person you fall for isn’t ready to catch you.
If you watch an Apple store get robbed… are you an iWitness?
If things are going good, enjoy it, it won’t last forever. If things are going bad, don’t worry. It can’t last forever either.
I’m all for saving the planet, but recycling jokes doesn’t help…
Guys that try to pick up girls on Facebook are pathetic. Girls if you agree, message me your number so we can talk about it.
I often wonder if idiots who rush to be first in the boarding line know that the plane is going to leave at the same time for all of us.
My girlfriend is now mad at me because I didn’t know why she was mad at me.
My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, “It’s not working. I cant take it anymore, I’m going to moms” I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, WTF is she talking about?
Worrying is so stupid. It’s like carrying an umbrella waiting for it to rain.
Dear women, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest ….. Eat a banana!
What the heck does the “z” in “LOLZ” mean…. “Laugh Out Loud…. Zebras?
“BE YOURSELF!” is about the worst advice you can give to some people.
Please take your b itching about the weather to Twitter. None of us here goes outside anyway.
A man and his wife were having an intense fight when the wife told him to get out. so the husband packed his things and as he was leaving, the wife said “i hope you die a slow agonising death”the husband replied “oh, so now you want me to stay?
If you’ve been married less than a year, stop with all the love and marriage quotes. S hit will eventually hit the fan…
There’s no way that Cinderella was treated like crap her entire life, then a prince tells her he loves her & she wasn’t like “yeah right.”
I’m going on a vodka diet. Apparently you can lose 3 days in one week…
“Just because you Can’t dance, doesn’t mean you Shouldn’t dance.” – Alcohol.
One day, I hope you choke on all the shit you talk.
I Hate Being this Sexy, But Somebody Has To Do it.