Short Jokes

  1. I think you’re suffering from a lack of vitamin me.
  2. “Hey.” “Hey.” “What’s up?” “Nothing.” END OF CONVERSATION.
  3. I could never be a politician because every time it was my turn to talk in a debate, it would start off with “Listen you f*cking prick.”
  4. If had a feminine side I would try and fcuk it.
  5. This just isn’t my day… It could be raining t*tties and I’d get hit in the head with a d*ck…
  6. They laugh at me because I’m different, I laugh at them because they are all the same”
  7. I hate it when people stare at me and don’t say anything I mean if you want an autograph or a picture just ask.
  8. Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve.
  9. We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies… and idiots!
  10. Roses are red, Twitter is blue, you look bangable, so I’ll follow you
  11. It’s my life. I’ll live it, I’ll love it, and I won’t care what you think of it.
  12. You hate me? Well okay, grab a chair and wait for me to care.
  13. I’m great in bed… I can sleep for days.
  14. There’s a reason why “sober” and “so bored” sound almost exactly the same.
  15. After i say “whatever”, all the sh*t you say after that is irrelevant
  16. I consider each one of my friends a gift. Now if only I could remember where I put some of those receipts…
  17. Mom: Hey honey who are you talking too? Me: My girlfriend. Mom: Don’t lie to me you fatass! You’re ordering pizza aren’t you? Me: ( ._. )
  18. If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, There would be world peace for at least two hours.
  19. Commitment doesn’t mean sticking to one person forever, it means keeping a relationship with someone even though you have lots of options.
  20. The cure for premature ejaculation is coming soon.