Short Jokes

  1. When pharmacist gets sick……. Does the doctor give him a taste of his own medicine?
  2. Can everyone come to my funeral in FBI outfits, stand at the back & not say a word to my parents so they think I lived a  cool double life.
  3. When I’m on my death bed, I want my last words to be….”I left the diamonds on an Island, look for clues on my Face  Book!…..”, just to get them to read all the jokes I’ve posted.
  4. You know you have a drinking problem if the bartender knows your name…..and you’ve never even been to that bar before.
  5. Feeling tired as you struggle to get through the day? There’s a nap for that.
  6. Stop editing your pics. What if you go missing? How do you expect us to find you if you look like beyonce on Facebook.
  7. We all have that one friend that looks Chinese but isn’t.
  8. When a woman says she doesn’t want a boyfriend what she really means is that she doesn’t want you
  9. Our generation is messed up. We have unprotected sex, but have cases on our phones.
  10. My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they are more brave than I am.
  11. Home is not where you live, but where they understand you.
  12. I knew she was about to say something intelligent because she began with, “You once told me…”
  13. I may not be perfect, but at least I’m not fake.
  14. My wife calls me a “lazy alcoholic.” Well, jokes on her. I just jogged to the liquor store.
  15. Cheers to the freakin weekend *lays in bed for 2 days straight*
  16. “When no one else will f*ck you, I’m always there.” – Life
  17. VLUT = A Virgin that act’s like a SLUT
  18. SIRGEN = A Slut that acts like a VIRGIN
  19. I said I don’t want to talk to you, I didn’t say ignore me. – WOMEN
  20. Really Cosmo? 50 tips on how to make your guy h0rny? What the f^ck are the 49 things after “touch his p*nis