Short Jokes

  1. Yo fellas how did that “wow” comment you left on that girls Facebook picture play out?
  2. I am sooo glad I was young, wild & crazy before there were cell phones & evidence.
  3. So I’m reading that “twerking” and “selfie” have been added to the dictionary. “Future” and “optimism” have been removed…
  4. Love….because sometimes life wants a tag team partner when it fcuks you.
  5. Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.
  6. What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t
  7. Dear Parents, Don’t tell your little girl “He’s only mean to you because he likes you.” and wonder why she only dates assholes when she’s older.
  8. Whoa bltch you dont look like a 100 likes in person.
  9. I used to think i was good at multi-tasking. Turns out its just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.
  10. Every female knows that one annoying boy who constantly asks “So when we gonna chill?”
  11. Hey, NSA,,,, if you’re going to read my posts, would it kill you to like them?
  12. I know I’m supposed to be outraged about this whole NSA phone tapping scandal, but I’ve got to admit, its a little refreshing that after a decade of marriage, someone is finally listening to me.
  13. Her: What’s your biggest weakness? Me: My honesty. Her: I don’t think that’s a weakness. Me: I don’t give a fcuk what you think.
  14. I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook.
  15. Instead of that daylight savings crap why don’t we just move the clock ahead an hour every Friday at noon so we get outta work early , then on Sunday move the clock back an hour at like 3AM so we can sleep that extra hour.
  16. Failed another job interview today. Apparently taking part in an orgy isn’t proof that you can effectively work as part of a team
  17. Everybody has a friend that is completely different when they’re not under female supervision.
  18. Why is Victoria Beckham not in a commercial for ‘Old Spice’?
  19. Why don’t the post office get the Jehovah’s Witnesses to deliver the mail on Saturday? Work smarter not harder people.
  20. Everybody knows that door handles spread disease but when I started a business to clean them and called it Knob Jobs all I got were creepy phone calls.