Test Results

I went for some tests at the doctors recently and he phoned today with the results. He said, “I have good news and bad news.”

“So, what’s the good news?” I asked.

“Well,” he replied, “You’re not a hypochondriac.”

Bad News First

“I’ve got good news and bad news,” the doctor told me.

“Allright, I’ll have the bad news first then,” I replied.

“You have terminal cancer.”

“What’s the good news?”

“The good news is for the other patient.”

3 Vaginas

A woman went into the doctors in tears. The doctor asks what’s wrong and she says “nobody will have sex with me because I’m so deformed.”

The doctor replied “come on now you’re an extremely attractive lady, I’m sure any man would be honoured”

She said “no doctor it’s my deformity, it’s grotesce, I have 3 vaginas”
The doctor asked to see so she got her knickers off and showed him.

The doctor was kneeling down having a look and said “I don’t see the problem, you should be getting a fuck left, right and center!”

The Medical Examination

During a lady’s medical examination, the doctor says:- “Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. … Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble.” …

The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor. …

“No! No! Don’t remove your clothes… Just stick out your tongue!”

The Knob

A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called “The Knob”, where a small knob is placed on the top of a woman’s head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift.

Of course, the woman wanted “The Knob.”

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.

After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems: “I’ve had to turn the knob many times and I’ve always loved the results. But now I’ve developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won’t get rid of them.”

The doctor looked at her closely and said,” Those aren’t bags, those are your breasts.”

She said, “Well, I guess there’s no point in asking about the goatee.