I came home from the pub really drunk last night. As I staggered into the living room and sat down on the sofa, my wife looked at me and said, “Can’t you just go out and have a couple of drinks?” “Of course I can,” I replied, standing back up. “Just let me get my … Read more
A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests. He says, I’m Jesus Christ. The first priest says, No, son, you’re not. The drunk turns to the other priest. I’m Jesus Christ. The second priest replies, No, son, you’re not. So the drunk says, Look, I can prove it. He walks … Read more
1. THEY HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE THEIR PURSE IS.:/:s 2. THEY BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH THEIR ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLING THEIR BUTT WHILE YELLING “WOO-HOO!” IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND.;;):* 3. THEY’VE SUDDENLY DECIDED THAT THEY WANT TO KICK SOMEONE’S ASS AND HONESTLY BELIEVE THEY COULD DO IT TOO. ;):p 4. IN … Read more
“I see someone got drunk last night,” said my wife, waking me up. “I only had three beers, so you’re fucking wrong!” I raged. “Fair enough,” she replied. “Could you just roll off the driveway, I’m going to be late for work.”
There’s one thing I can’t stand when I’m drunk… Up.