I have a condition that makes me eat when I can’t sleep. It’s called insom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nia.
In the restaurant the special of the day was dalas. I asked the waiter “what’s DALAS ?” He said. “Mixed salad”
How did the hamburger introduce his daughter? Meet Patty.
My fruit and vegetable business has gone into liquidation. We now sell smoothies.
My wife called me as I was sat in the pub last night. “I’ve cooked dinner,” she screamed, “And if you’re not home within 20 minutes I’m going to feed it to the dog.” “Woooah! That’s bang out of order!” I said, “It’s not his fault.”