When a goal is scored in football, commentators say, “The ball’s hit the back of the net.” Technically, the ball’s hit the front of the net.
I bought Alex Ferguson’s autobiography. I thought I’d got to the end but six more pages appeared.
I refereed a women’s football match yesterday. It was brilliant. I booked two for muttering under their breath, one for the silent treatment and I sent one off without explanation and left her wondering what she’d done wrong.
Today is ANZAC day which, this year, marks the 102nd anniversary of the landing of Australian and New Zealand troops at Gallipoli” I informed my Scouser mate. “Well, it’s been 9865 days since Hillsborough.” He replied.
I got chatting to a girl in a club last night and I asked her what she was into. She said, “I really love sex and the city.” I replied, “What a coincidence, so do I. Who’s your favourite city player?”