Golf Gun

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

“How was he killed” asked one detective. “With a golf gun.” Replied the second detective.

“A golf gun? What’s a golf gun?”

“I don’t know, but it sure made a hole in Juan”

One Sunny Morning

A couple of friends are playing golf one sunny morning.

One of the guys is about to chip onto the green of the ninth hole when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.

He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: “Wow that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man.”

The man then replies: “Yeah, well, we were married 35 years so I figured its the least I could do!”

Golf Fanatic

There’s a fellow who is a golf fanatic.

Every Saturday morning he has an early tee time.

He gets up early and eager, golf all day long, 36 holes sometimes.

Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his clubs out of the closet and goes to his car to drive to the course.

Coming out of his garage rain is pouring down; it is like a torrential downpour. There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph.

He returns to the garage.

He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel.

He finds it’s going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his clubs back into the closet, quietly undresses and slips back into bed.

There he cuddles up to his wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers, “The weather out there is terrible.”

To which she sleepily replies, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out golfing in that?”

1 Wood

Three Ladies are playing the fourth hole at a well-known golf course on the edge of Greenwood, when a naked man wearing a paper bag over his head jumps from the trees and runs across the green.

The three ladies stand in awe at the size of his manhood.

The first lady says, ‘He is definitely not my husband.’

The second lady, gazes at his manhood and says, ‘He is not mine either.’

After a very considered inspection, the third lady finally says, ‘He’s 1not even a member of this golf club’