Pay Raise

The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.

She asked: “Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?”

Maria: “Well, Senora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze.”

“The first is that I iron better than you.”

Wife: “Who said you iron better than me?”

Maria: “Jor huzban he say so.”

Wife: “Oh yeah?”

Maria: “The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you.”

Wife: “Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?”

Maria: “Jor hozban did.”

Wife increasingly agitated, “Oh he did did he???”

Maria: “The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed.”

Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth.

“And did my husband say that as well?”

Maria: “No Senora……., The gardener did.”

Wife: “So how much do you want?”

The Bacon Tree…

Two Mexicans soldiers are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden…

“Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I is sure of eet”
 “Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee”.
 So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
 There’s raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there’s fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon…every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.
 “Pepe, Pepe, we is saved. “Eees a bacon tree”.
 “Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the Desert don’t forget”
 “Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smeell like bacon…ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree”.
 And with that…Luis Races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 yards, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up,and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.
“Pepe…go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree”

“Luis Luis mi amigo…what ees it?

“Pepe…ees not a bacon tree…

Ees,

Ees,

Ees,

Ees,

Eees…. a Ham Bush.