My Time Machine

My time machine landed slap bang in the middle of Hitlers living room in 1940.

I thought now’s my chance to change the world.

“Please sir,” I pleaded, “don’t gas the Jews. ”

“Gas the Jews?” Hitler replied, “h’mm, I hadn’t thought of that.

12 Year Sentense

The judge sentenced me to 12 years today.

Apparently, sitting on your hand for 15 minutes before shooting your wife does not mean that somebody else did it.