How Much Do I Owe

A female prostitute gives a southern man the time of his life…

When they finish the man asks “Geee Miss, how much do I owe ya?”

The prostitute replies “For you, hon? Only 20 dollars.”

The southern man replies, “Well golly, miss. I thought the rate was 50 dollars.”

The prostitute looks at the man, smiles and says…

“Not for you, baby… Family Discount.”

Can’t Manage It Anymore

An old pensioner is hobbling his way home through the red light district.

“Hey, Handsome, how about it?”

“You’re joking,” says the 90-year-old, “I just can’t manage it any more.”

“Ah, come on,” says the whore, “it’ll be really nice.”

After a bit of humming and hawing, the pensioner goes along and when they finally get onto the whore’s bed he rides her like a fucking god, giving her multiple real orgasms and wearing her out. She can’t believe it when he finally shoots his load and gives her a break.

Wow, old man, says the whore, exhausted, that was such a great fuck. And you said you couldn’t manage it any more?

Oh I can still fuck, Honey, says the old geezer, it’s just that I can’t pay.

The New Desk

Eric is looking for a new desk for his office and he spots one that looks perfect in an antique shop window. He goes inside and asks the shopkeeper how much it is.
“That desk is going for £2000,” says the shopkeeper.
“$2000 for an old desk? That’s outrageous!” exclaims Eric.
“Ah,” says the shopkeeper, “but this is a magic desk.” He turns to the desk and asks, “Desk, how much money do I have in my pocket?”
The desk taps one of its legs on the floor four times. The shopkeeper turns out his pocket and, sure enough, there are four pound coins there.
“Wow, that’s pretty cool,” says Eric. “Alright, desk, how much money does my wife have in her bank account?”
At this, the desk goes wild, manically banging all four of its legs up and down repeatedly for over five minutes non-stop.
“Damn, where did she get all that from?” asks Eric.
The desk’s legs slide apart and its drawers fall down.

Paying For It

“I can’t believe that you’ve been visiting prostitutes for sex,” my wife screamed at me. “I’m really disappointed.”

“You can hardly blame me,” I answered. “It’s not like I was getting any from you.”

“Well that’s your fault,” she replied. “You never told me you were willing to pay for it.”