Can somebody please notify Liverpool that, along with their lack of imagination, the correct grammar is ‘A field’, not ‘An field’. Thanks.
My wife called me a sexist pig, and accused me of being far too obsessed with football.
I said, “What makes you say that, babe?”
She said, “Well for one, there’s this card you gave me for my birthday.”
I said, “But to be fair, you’ve not kept up with the housework recently, so you were lucky it was only yellow.”
My old lady was reading a newspaper while I was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing.
“Listen to this,” she said. “There’s a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium.”
“Hmmm,” I said, not looking up from my magazine.
She started teasing me. She said, “Would you swap me for a season ticket to the Florida State Seminoles?”
“Absolutely not,” I said.
“How sweet. Tell me why not.”
“The season’s more than half over,” I replied.
1. What does the average Iowa player get on his SAT’s?
2. What do you get when you put 32 Alabama cheerleaders in one room?
A full set of teeth.
3. How do you get a GA Tech cheerleader into your dorm room?
Grease her hips and push like hell.
4. How do you get a Michigan State graduate off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
5. Why do the Auburn cheerleaders wear bibs?
To keep the tobacco juice off their uniforms.
6. Why do they no put ice in the drinks at Wisconsin football games?
The senior who knew the recipe graduated.
7. Why is the Indiana football team like a possum?
Because they play dead at home, and get killed on the road.
8. What are the longest three years of a Michigan football player’s life?
His freshman year.
9. Why did Kansas State replace natural grass with Astroturf?
To discourage the cheerleaders from grazing during games.
10. How many Ohio State freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
None…That’s a sophomore course at OSU.
11. Why did O.J. want to move to Arkansas?
Everyone there has the same DNA.
12. Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color?
You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash the rest of the week.