I went to the auditions for Britain’s Got Talent but got turned down almost immediately. My passport reads “UK resident”.
So North Korea have declared that they plan on invading Japan. I personally wish them the best of luck with storming Takeshi’s Castle.
I got chatting to a girl in a club last night and I asked her what she was into. She said, “I really love sex and the city.” I replied, “What a coincidence, so do I. Who’s your favourite city player?”
I watched a cookery programme today. The chef looked into the camera and said, “Today I’m going to show you how to make a delicious casserole, using these simple ingredients from your very own kitchen.” The cheeky bastard. He must’ve sneaked in and taken them when I wasn’t looking.