1 in 20 Billion

The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won’t go to work tomorrow.

Alcohol gives you 1 in 5.

You play your game and I’ll play mine.

The Caption Contest

A new company entered the very competitive business of pumping septic tanks. To promote their new business, they held a caption contest. The winning caption would be posted on all their trucks and the winner would receive five free pump-outs, one every other year for ten years, worth about $3,000.00.

The winning caption? “We are #1 in the #2 Business.”

Lost A Stone

My wife changed into her bikini at the beach, and stood posing in front of me. “Well?” she said, “I’ve lost a stone, can you see a difference?”

I picked up a pebble and tossed it in the ocean. “The beach has lost a stone.” I said, “can you see a difference?”