I was thinking of starting up a small zoo, so I wrote a letter to London Zoo; “Dear Sir, I’m starting up a zoo, please send me 2 mongooses.” I thought that didn’t sound right so I tried again; “Dear Sir, I’m starting up a small zoo, please send me 2 mongeese.” Nope, that still … Read more…
I’m not saying we were poor, but there’s many a time my mother sent me next door with a button to ask a neighbour if she’d sew a shirt on it.
A girl in a bar said to me, “I wouldn’t fuck you if you were the last person alive.” Leaning over and whispering, I replied, “But who would be around to stop me?”
The Chinese invented paper in about 60AD. They invented printing before the year 650. There is evidence they had also invented gunpowder before 1044AD, and the iron compass around the time of Christ. When do you think they’ll get around to the knife & fork?
The heiress to the L’Oreal cosmetics empire has turn to prostitution to make ends meet, putting a $5 million price tag on her services for a single night. Which is fair enough, because she’s worth it.
I love magicians. Who’s that guy in America who made those landmarks disappear? Oh right, yeah, Bin Laden.
I’ve just bought the new Beach Boys mobile phone. The ringtones are shit but it has good vibrations.
Being a guy i have always wondered what sex must be like for a woman, but i suppose its like putting a cotton bud in your ear feels great, till he sticks it in too deep.
I dont see why Chinese people use the chop sticks to eat, took me fucking ages to eat my soup.
Some people prefer to put the thermometer in their mouth, while others prefer it in their rectum. It’s a matter of taste!