Teach me to have sex without cuming

I’ve just seen an advert on Pornhub that claimed it could “teach me to have sex without cuming”
I’m not paying 25 bucks for that when I could just ask my girlfriend how she does it.

I made it strong and black

I asked my girlfriend how she likes her coffee.

She said she likes her coffee like her men.

So I made it strong and black, and then pushed it up her arse.

My snooty new girlfriend

My snooty new girlfriend dumped me after one date just because the table I’d reserved was too close to the toilet.

She wouldn’t even stay to finish her Big Mac.