New Jokes

After having a little nap, my wife told me of a dream she had where she walked into the bedroom to find me in bed on all fours, wearing a gimp mask with her sister fucking me up the arse with a strap on but before she could open her mouth a shark came out from under the bed and ate me and her sister.

She said, “It’s funny how things can happen in dreams that wouldn’t happen in real life.”

I said, “Yeah, ridiculous… a shark under the bed.”

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Hot Jokes This Week

I met up with my two best mates and we were debating who has the best memory.

First guy says, “I can remember the first day of my First Grade class.”

Second guy says, “I can remember my first day at Nursery School!”

Now it’s my turn and I tell them, “Hell, that’s nothing. I can remember going to the senior prom with my father, and coming home with my mother.”

The elderly nurse approached her co-workers in the break room: “I am mortified, disgusted and insulted. Someone else is going to have to give the patient in bed 429 his bath.”

“What is the problem, Nurse Jackson?” asked another nurse.

“Well, if you must know, he has a…a tattoo on his … his penis!”

(Gasps are heard throughout the nurse’s break room.)

“Yes, the tattoo ‘JSWAN’ is plainly visible … it is disgusting!”

“I will bathe him, Nurse Jackson,” said the youngest nurse, a 24-year-old blonde. “You can give a bath to my female patient in room 422.”

Hours later, the nurses are having their lunch in the break room, and Sheryl, the young nurse, smiles and says, “Nurse Jackson was wrong about the tattoo. It doesn’t say ‘JSWAN’, it says ‘JOE’S BAR AND GRILLE SASKATCHEWAN!’ “

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