New Jokes

-7

Kids today are so coddled- Elf on the Shelf, Toy Story. In my day, if dolls magically came to life, they murdered you and everyone you loved

-6

I put a hundred bucks worth of fuel into my car and then drove off without paying.
Unfortunately the police caught me after a short chase.
I ran out of petrol half a mile down the road.

-7

I love the fact my girlfriend is Jewish.
At first it was hard to get her to do anal, but then I showed her all the money we are saving on condoms.

-6

I asked my wife, “What’s your opinion on the state of English football?”

“Its shit,” she replied, “absolute crap.”

“More than likely,” I said, “but let’s hear it anyway.”

-6

I saw a fat bird down the pub, her T-shirt said – Watch out, I’m a maneater!

I went up to her and said, “Excuse me, love… about your t-shirt slogan.”

She stopped me and angrily said, “Oh, let me guess: you want to know how many men I’ve eaten?! Well, I can’t help my size, you know!”

I said, “Actually, no, I wasn’t going to say that at all.”

She looked happier and smiled as she said, “Oh yes, what did you want to say then?”

“That’s not how you spell Manatee.”

-6

Calvin Klein Suit: £1200

Bouquet of Flowers: £40

Candle lit Dinner for 2: £100

Moonlight Serenade: £300

Deluxe Suite in the Hilton: £200

The look on her face as I whip out my 2 inch cock: Priceless

-7

When I was a little boy I asked my grandfather what the days of the week were.

He replied “Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday”.

He then added with a hint of yearning and sadness in his eyes, “Those were the days”.

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Hot Jokes Today

-6

Calvin Klein Suit: £1200

Bouquet of Flowers: £40

Candle lit Dinner for 2: £100

Moonlight Serenade: £300

Deluxe Suite in the Hilton: £200

The look on her face as I whip out my 2 inch cock: Priceless

-6

I saw a fat bird down the pub, her T-shirt said – Watch out, I’m a maneater!

I went up to her and said, “Excuse me, love… about your t-shirt slogan.”

She stopped me and angrily said, “Oh, let me guess: you want to know how many men I’ve eaten?! Well, I can’t help my size, you know!”

I said, “Actually, no, I wasn’t going to say that at all.”

She looked happier and smiled as she said, “Oh yes, what did you want to say then?”

“That’s not how you spell Manatee.”

-6

I asked my wife, “What’s your opinion on the state of English football?”

“Its shit,” she replied, “absolute crap.”

“More than likely,” I said, “but let’s hear it anyway.”

-6

I put a hundred bucks worth of fuel into my car and then drove off without paying.
Unfortunately the police caught me after a short chase.
I ran out of petrol half a mile down the road.

-7

When I was a little boy I asked my grandfather what the days of the week were.

He replied “Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday”.

He then added with a hint of yearning and sadness in his eyes, “Those were the days”.

-7

I love the fact my girlfriend is Jewish.
At first it was hard to get her to do anal, but then I showed her all the money we are saving on condoms.

-7

Kids today are so coddled- Elf on the Shelf, Toy Story. In my day, if dolls magically came to life, they murdered you and everyone you loved

Click Here For More Hot Jokes!