Does anyone know CPR?

I was drinking at a bar last night when a waitress screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?”
I shouted, “Hell, I know the whole alphabet.”
Everyone laughed… Well everyone except this one guy.

Teach me to have sex without cuming

I’ve just seen an advert on Pornhub that claimed it could “teach me to have sex without cuming”
I’m not paying 25 bucks for that when I could just ask my girlfriend how she does it.