Funny Facebook Statuses – Linkden,Marriage & More

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  1. At my age I can no longer function without my glasses. Especially when they’re empty.
  2. Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.
  3. Sometimes I think I’m too picky. Then I watch my dog look for a place to poop.
  4. I’m not hard of hearing. I’m tired of hearing.
  5. If I know 1 thing about the speed of light, it gets here to early in the morning.
  6. Call me a skeptic but I doubt people LOL as much as they claim.
  7. LinkedIn is just a dating site for people with a job right?
  8. In our local supermarket, they always have 6 checkouts open. Except when it’s really busy then they have 2…
  9. If it weren’t for marriage, many of us would go thru life thinking we had no faults at all.
  10. The best dates end with “I can’t believe we did that”
  11. No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn’t figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn’t her grandmother.
  12. Current relationship status: Made dinner for two. Ate both.

Funny Facebook Statuses 12th May 2016

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  1. I don’t understand how God can have Ten Commandments for the whole world, and my wife can have 152 just for me.
  2. Why do you look surprised in all your selfies? Didn’t you know you were taking the picture?
  3. Nature in the country: watching a deer drink from a stream. Nature in the city: watching a rat and a pigeon fight over a condom.
  4. Married sext: you were so good in bed last night… I didn’t hear you snore once.
  5. Thanks to modern medicine, we can stay sexually active way past the age where anyone wants to see us nekkid.
  6. Have my doubts about this “smart water,” considering how easily it’s captured and bottled.
  7. Starting to think that guy in the mirror doesn’t like me
  8. HR called me in today and told me I have a bad attitude. So they’re transferring me over to IT and giving me a raise.