Magic Shark

A fisherman catches a shark. As soon as he pulls him up the shark starts yelling, “Wait wait wait… I’m a magic shark, I can grant you wishes if you let me go.”

“Alright,” says the man, “I want my penis to reach the floor”.

So the shark ate his legs.

You can have anything you want

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?” The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, ‘You can have anything you want’.” The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”