Latest Jokes

5

Apparently a Prep School in Ascot is requiring every under 12 student to buy an iPad instead of using textbooks.

That’s nothing.

In China they’re requiring every under 5 student to MAKE an iPad instead of using textbooks.

6

When my daughter came home from school to find her pet rabbit missing she looked everywhere for it,

Eventually asking me, “Where can he be?”

” Maybe you should look somewhere where there might be carrots” I suggested

“That’s a good idea” she replied

“And peas, onions and gravy” I added as I dished up stew for dinner.

6

So American Blacks think that the whites in the US have a negative stereotype view of them.

I don’t think mass arson and theft is really going to help…

6

Paddy and Murphy walking down the road.

Paddy finds a mirror, looks at it and says, “I’m sure I’ve seen this man before!” and then passes it to Murphy.

Murphy then says, “You stupid twat that’s me!”

6

I was telling my colleague at work that since my wife died I’ve lost so much weight.

“Missing the home cooking?” he sympathised.

“No,” I replied. “I just skip everywhere.”

7

I was telling a guy at work how useless I am with the ladies, and how I had to stand on a chair to kiss last night’s date goodnight.

He said, “Wow! She was that tall?”

I said, “No, she hanged herself.”

7

I went to the bank today to ask for a loan.

“What do you need the money for sir?”

“It’s for a car.”

“Oh nice, what are you getting?”

“Just some unleaded.”

8

What’s the difference between love, true love and showing off?

Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

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Hottest Jokes

8

What’s the difference between love, true love and showing off?

Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

7

I went to the bank today to ask for a loan.

“What do you need the money for sir?”

“It’s for a car.”

“Oh nice, what are you getting?”

“Just some unleaded.”

7

I was telling a guy at work how useless I am with the ladies, and how I had to stand on a chair to kiss last night’s date goodnight.

He said, “Wow! She was that tall?”

I said, “No, she hanged herself.”

6

I was telling my colleague at work that since my wife died I’ve lost so much weight.

“Missing the home cooking?” he sympathised.

“No,” I replied. “I just skip everywhere.”

6

Paddy and Murphy walking down the road.

Paddy finds a mirror, looks at it and says, “I’m sure I’ve seen this man before!” and then passes it to Murphy.

Murphy then says, “You stupid twat that’s me!”

6

So American Blacks think that the whites in the US have a negative stereotype view of them.

I don’t think mass arson and theft is really going to help…

6

When my daughter came home from school to find her pet rabbit missing she looked everywhere for it,

Eventually asking me, “Where can he be?”

” Maybe you should look somewhere where there might be carrots” I suggested

“That’s a good idea” she replied

“And peas, onions and gravy” I added as I dished up stew for dinner.

5

Apparently a Prep School in Ascot is requiring every under 12 student to buy an iPad instead of using textbooks.

That’s nothing.

In China they’re requiring every under 5 student to MAKE an iPad instead of using textbooks.

Click here for more hottest jokes!